#1 humor site on the 'net

Parking Forever

Getting out of the parking space was easy...

Parking Forever thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Fjord: Norwegian car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder! - Princess Leia

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. - Will Rogers

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

The harpsichord sounds like two skeletons copulating on a corrugated roof. - Thomas Beecham

Off-Campus Parking: Ample extra parking usually found in an adjoining state - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

I stuck my head out the window this morning and spring kissed my bang in the face. - Langston Hughes

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. - George Carlin

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Just 'cause there's snow in the basement don't mean there ain't no fire in the roof! - Archie Bunker

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today's world - an assigned parking space. - Gene Perret

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. - Bill Vaughan

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


One At A Time

Shofar So Good

Temple Car

Closing Time

Wine Glass Lanyard

Awning Truck Advertising

Plugged In

Org Chart - Simplified Version

Extreme Value

Instant Acrophobia

How To Hire Engineers

Business School Basics

Waterwheel Rotisserie

Elephant Bus

Promote Yourself

Time Machine

Redneck Engagement Ring

Forever Clean Toilet

Edible Clock

Up-Set & Hungry Trucks

Bear Pinata

Swim Vacation

What Are Your Skills?

Portable Barber Shop