#1 humor site on the 'net

My Mom's The Best

Inspiring relationships of the year

My Mom's The Best thanks to Mike King

Family ties growing stronger

My Mom's The Best thanks to Mike King

My Mom's The Best thanks to Mike King

My Mom's The Best thanks to Mike King

QuotaBills
Mother Superiority - Archie Bunker

Mamogram: A telegram to Mom - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Necessity is the mother of attraction. - Luke McKissack

Grammatical Error: When Grandma screws up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I got 99 donuts 'cause my Mom ate one. - Unknown

A child's first teacher is its mother. - Peng Liyuan

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. - Unknown

Sons are the anchors of a mother's life. - Sophocles

An ounce of mother is worth a tone of priest. - Spanish Proverb

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

My grandmother made dying her life's work. - Hugh Leonard

A rich child often sits in a poor mother's lap. - Danish Proverb

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all. - Unknown

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

The titular head... that's the mother, ain't it? - Archie Bunker

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

I got to grow up with a mother who taught me to believe in me. - Antonio Villaraigosa

To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

Mother is a verb. It's something you do. Not just who you are. - Dorothy C Fisher

Grandma, thank you for being my anchor in this stormy sea of life. - Unknown

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother. - Unknown

My grandmother took a bath every year, whether she was dirty or not. - Brendan Behan

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. - Dorothy

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. - James E Faust

Today is the anniversary of you being expelled from your mother's uterus. - Unknown

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

If you can't be in awe of Mother Nature, there's something wrong with you. - Alex Trebek

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson

I want to stay curled and cosied and chocolated... forever in my mother's arms. - Sanober Khan

Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mom always said, "You'd rather have smile lines than frown lines." - Cindy Crawford

My mother is no spring chicken although she has got as many chemicals in her as one. - Edna Everage

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey

I never know what to say when people ask me what my hobbies are. I mean, I'm a mom. - Unknown

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

My perspective on my mother has changed immensely. She was a lot taller when I was younger. - Howie Mandel

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. - Honore De Balzac

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

The choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is. - Oprah Winfrey

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. - Abraham Lincoln

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

They want people like your mother down there because they know they ain't got no pre-conscrewed ideas. - Archie Bunker

Food: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. - G Norman Collie

There has never been, nor will there ever be, anything quite so special as the love between a mother and a son. - Unknown

I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. - Sarah Palin

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live. - Gary Delaney

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

The most beautiful word on the lips of mankind is the word 'Mother', and the most beautiful call is the call of 'My Mother'. - Kahlil Gibran

Education commences on the mother's knee, and every word spoken within hearsay of little children tends toward the formation of character. - Hosea Ballou

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


Home Depot Delivery

Sea Painting

Radish Camouflage

Canadian Twins

Big Birth - They Start Off Big At This Hospital

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Not Stuck

Motorcycle For Sale

Dog Cross

Pigeon Drink

Pittsburghese

Whose Problem

Grasping Shirt

An Evening Prayer

Baby Clone

Piano Ring

Religious Nuts

Funnel Farm

Urinal Challenge

Snow Detour

Redneck GPS

Snow Receiver

Book Perspective

Why Stand In Line?