Mommy's Diet

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. - Unknown

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you. - Jay Leno

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

Air pollution is turning Mother Nature prematurely gray. - Irv Kupcinet

Nothing is really lost until your Mom can't find it. - Unknown

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

Blaming mother is just a negative way of clinging to her still. - Nancy Friday

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy - the mother. - Claudette Colbert

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck

Sayin' grace - it's just thankin' Mother Nature, whose 1st name just happens to be Grace. - Archie Bunker

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain