Maid Confusion

Women hold up half the sky. - Mao Zedong

The more servants, the more enemies. - French Proverb

Is there no manners left among maids? - William Shakespeare

Your public servants serve you right. - Adlai Stevenson

Women should be obscene and not heard. - Groucho Marx

Hell hath no fury like a woman's corns. - Archie Bunker

He who looketh upon a woman loseth a fender. - Auto repair shop

I'm confused, oh wait, maybe I'm not. - Unknown

Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

Women's clothes: never wear anything that panics the cat. - P.J. O'Rourke

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed. - Henny Youngman

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. - Stephanie Piro

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. - James Stephens

Some say women are addicted to chocolate. I say we're merely loyal. - Cathy Guisewite

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat. - Oscar Wilde

Advertising Agency: Eighty-five percent confusion and fifteen percent commission. - Fred Allen

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one. - WC Fields

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

Ladies and gentlemen are permitted to have friends in the kennel but not in the kitchen. - George Bernard Shaw

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with the word 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

We women know how to take care of everybody so well. But the one person we have written out of the equation is us. - Suze Orman

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street. - Steven Wright

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

The widening of woman's sphere is to improve her lot. Let us do it, and if the world scoff, let it scoff - if it sneer, let it sneer. - Lucy Stone

Like many other women, I could not understand why every man who changed a diaper has felt impelled, in recent years, to write a book about it. - Barbara Ehrenreich

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren