#1 humor site on the 'net

Longer Blanket Daylight Savings

Spring ahead or fall behind, one foot at a time

Longer Blanket Daylight Savings thanks to Marian Renstrom

QuotaBills
Time wounds all heels. - Groucho Marx

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

You may delay, but time will not. - Benjamin Franklin

Old men are children for a second time. - Aristophanes

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

Spring is the time of plans and projects. - Leo Tolstoy

What I value most next to eternity is time. - Madame Swetchine

The next time you have a thought... let it go. - Ron White

Time is a game played beautifully by children. - Heraclitus

Persistence trumps talent and looks every time. - Aaron Brown

Social media are tools. Real time is a mindset. - David M. Scott

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend. - Theophrastus

I feel like a million tonight - but one at a time. - Bette Midler

There is always a time to make right what is wrong. - Susan Griffin

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

The only time I feel alive is when I'm painting. - Andy Warhol

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. - Leo Tolstoy

It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. - Dan Quayle

No man goes before his time ... unless the boss leaves early. - Groucho Marx

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time. - J. Mason

Don't try to make me consistent. I am learning all the time. - R Buckminster Fuller

Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. - Neil Postman

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

Time and words can't be recalled, even if it was only yesterday. - Estonian Proverb

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well." - Paul Harvey

I had only a little time left and I didn't want to waste it on God. - Albert Camus

Each age has deemed the new-born year the fittest time for festal cheer. - Walter Scott

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our greatest glory consist not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Oliver Goldsmith

I am long on ideas, but short on time. I expect to live to be only about a hundred. - Thomas A. Edison

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. - Andy Warhol

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal

Often we have no time for our friends, but all the time in the world for our enemies. - Billy Joel

Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be. - Eckhart Tolle

The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material. - Robin Williams

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

Celebrate what you've accomplished, but raise the bar a little higher each time you succeed. - Mia Hamm

Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time. - Lou Brock

A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Even a wise man knows doubt from time to time, it is the fool who allows it to rule his judgement. - Jennifer Hudock

Time is that wherein there is opportunity, and opportunity is that wherein there is no great time. - Hippocrates

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect). - Mark Twain

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

I never practice my guitar... from time to time I just open the case and throw in a piece of raw meat. - Wes Montgomery

Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time. - Unknown

The time I burned my guitar it was like a sacrifice. You sacrifice the things you love. I love my guitar. - Jimi Hendrix

He is accelerating all the time. That last lap was run in sixty-four seconds, and the one before in sixty-two. - David Coleman

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. - M. Scott Peck

Some say cling to the earth while others say reach for the stars. There's time enough for the earth in the grave. - Unknown

I think when a surfer becomes a surfer, it's almost like an obligation to be an environmentalist at the same time. - Kelly Slater

It's especially hard if the government is not providing services, or is even conducting ethnic cleansing against you. - Paul Harvey

I have Dementia
My responses may be slow.
Take your time and wait for me,
It means more than you can know! - Unknown

You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice. - Unknown

I think hearts are very much like glasses - if they do not break with the first ring, they usually last a considerable time. - Letitia Landon

The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men. - Plato

Today will never come again. Be a blessing. Be a friend. Encourage someone. Take time to care. Let your words heal, and not wound. - Unknown

I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy. - Oscar Wilde

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. - Jim Henson

There is a strange moment in time, after something horrible happens, when you know it's true, but you haven't told anyone yet. - Barbara Kingsolver

Give your subconscious a chance to work by turning your brain off from time to time. Don't focus on work or solving problems constantly. - Harvey Mackay

When you get older, you know that life's mysteries are revealed in the fullness of time. All you have to do is wait, watch, and be amazed. - Linda Gray

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers


Take The Bus Home

Bent Car Sculpture

International Truck Bed

Strong Man

Snowbound Train

Not Without A Washer

Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns

Washing Machine Cat

Ruined Bacon

Kellogg's Fire

Tip Discount

Staff Meeting

Prince Bag

Ice Cream Clouds

Sun Dial Fail

Rolling Stop

Ghetto Hammock

Cooking For Guys

Walkies

Ultimate Border Control Protection

Note Flasher

Lineup For Dinner

Do Nothing Day

Horn Blower