Late Lecture

Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis

Old age is a wonderful disguise. - Katherine Applegate

Pity is just another form of abuse. - Michael J. Fox

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown

The old horse in the stable still yearns to run. - Mongolian Proverb

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. - Fletcher Knebel

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. - Bernard Baruch

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

Men will let you abuse them only if you make them laugh. - Henry Ward Beecher

Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Never have I enjoyed youth so thoroughly as I have in my old age. - George Santayana

Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton

I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl

In terms of being late or not starting at all, then it's never too late. - Alison Headley

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been. - David Bowie

My comfort is, that old age, that ill layer-up of beauty, can do no more spoil upon my face. - William Shakespeare

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. - Victor Hugo

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

It was really strange to see all these apes standing around eating popcorn, smoking, wearing sunglasses. - Estella Warren

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent - that is to triumph over old age. - Thomas Bailey Aldrich

While we drink, and call for garlands, for perfumes and for maidens, old age is creeping on us unperceived. - Juvenal

Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. - Clement Freud

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan

Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold you have escaped, not from one master, but from many. - Plato