Late Lecture

Old age is life's parody. - Simone de Beauvoir

Pity is just another form of abuse. - Michael J. Fox

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown

We are never to judge a philosophy by its abuse. - Augustine

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative. - Maurice Chevalier

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. - Phyllis Diller

When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff. - Cicero

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb

Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age. - Christopher Morley

The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young. - Oscar Wilde

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison

I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

Sure I'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day. - Lillian Carter

Old age takes away what we've inherited and gives us what we've earned. - Gerald Brenan

Youth is the time of getting, middle age of improving, and old age of spending. - Anne Bradstreet

There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. - John Mortimer

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. - Mark Twain

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent - that is to triumph over old age. - Thomas Bailey Aldrich

When it comes to old age we're all in the same boat, only some of us have been aboard a little longer. - Leo Probst

Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life. - C S Lewis

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns

In old age we are like a batch of letters that someone has sent. We are no longer in the post, we have arrived. - Knut Hamsun

The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm. - Aldous Huxley

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

Not one of them who took up in his youth with his opinion that there are no gods ever continued until old age faithful to his conviction. - Plato

Aging: 1. A supposed ripening into wisdom that most Westerners attempt to delay as long as possible; 2. A one-way street with no stoplights. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan

When you have police officers who abuse citizens, you erode public confidence in law enforcement. That makes the job of good police officers unsafe. - Mary F Berry