Late Lecture

Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci

Old age is a wonderful disguise. - Katherine Applegate

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. - Fletcher Knebel

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

Men will let you abuse them only if you make them laugh. - Henry Ward Beecher

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. - Phyllis Diller

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton

I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl

In terms of being late or not starting at all, then it's never too late. - Alison Headley

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher

More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. - Victor Hugo

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

It was really strange to see all these apes standing around eating popcorn, smoking, wearing sunglasses. - Estella Warren

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

I'm learning in my old age that the only thing you can do to keep your sanity is to stay in the moment. - Willem Dafoe

Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. - Clement Freud

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan