#1 humor site on the 'net

'Keep Warm' Jacket

Clothing with a grip

'Keep Warm' Jacket thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Many hands make light work

QuotaBills
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. - English Proverb

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. - Red Skelton

On the other hand, you have different fingers. - Steven Wright

Hiking and happiness go hand in hand (or foot in boot). - Diane Spicer

Masseuse: A woman who doesn't keep her hands to herself - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My favourite quotation is eight pounds ten for a second-hand suit. - Spike Milligan

He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. - Richard Nixon

The head thinks, the hands labor, but it's the heart that laughs. - Liz Curtis Higgs

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. - Maxwell Maltz

Democracy used to be a good thing, but now it has gotten into the wrong hands. - Jesse Helms

In art, the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can inspire. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is the machine age. The only thing people do by hand is scratch themselves. - Joe Laurie

If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. - Unknown

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. - Unknown

Any gun in the hands of a decent person is no threat to anybody, except bad people. - Charlton Heston

Life without endeavor is like entering a jewel mine and coming out with empty hands. - Japanese Proverb

Faith has to do with things that are not seen, and hope with things that are not at hand. - Thomas Aquinas

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. - Rodney Dangerfield

We are all pencils in the hand of a writing God, who is sending love letters to the world. - Mother Teresa

I see their souls, and I hold them in my hands, and because I love them they weigh nothing. - Pearl Bailey

Catching a yellow-jacket in your shirt at seventy miles per hour can double your vocabulary. - Unknown

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere

Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed. - Joseph Stalin

Floordrobe: A floor littered with discarded clothes, viewed ironically as a clothing storage system - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein. - George W. Bush

His wallet is more capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands on. - Blackadder

The policemen or soldiers are only a gun in the establishments hand. They make the racist secure in his racism. - Huey Newton

Sailor: 1. A man who makes his living on water but never touches it on shore; 2. A wolf in ship's clothing. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I wouldn't pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands. - Bill Murray

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

As the eagle was killed by the arrow winged with his own feather, so the hand of the world is wounded by its own skill. - Helen Keller

Often we can help each other most by leaving each other alone; at other times we need the hand-grasp and the word of cheer. - Elbert Hubbard

I've learned that people will seldom let you down if they understand that your destiny is in their hands, and vice versa. - Harvey Mackay

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to throw something back. - Maya Angelou

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

To have a curable illness and to leave it untreated except for prayer is like sticking your hand in a fire and asking God to remove the flame. - Sandra L. Douglas

Miracle: An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king. - Ambrose Bierce

That's the standard technique of privatization: defund, make sure things don't work, people get angry, you hand it over to private capital. - Noam Chomsky

No one is going to hand me success. I must go out and get it myself. That's why I'm here. To dominate. To conquer. Both the world and myself. - Unknown


Undertaker Bike

Throwaway Sport Paper

Pacman Skeleton

Vatican City's New Breakfast Special

Flying Cathedral Excuse

Day At The Beach

John The Baptist Souvenirs

Amish Prom Limo

Wishy-Washy Church

'Cover Girl' Magazine

One At A Time

Shofar So Good

Temple Car

Closing Time

Wine Glass Lanyard

Awning Truck Advertising

Plugged In

Org Chart - Simplified Version

Extreme Value

Instant Acrophobia

How To Hire Engineers

Business School Basics

Waterwheel Rotisserie

Elephant Bus