Kayak Funeral

I hope they bury me near a strait man. - Groucho Marx

Leave the dead moments to bury the dead. - E R Bulwer-Lytton

When I die, bury my balls next to my old bag. - Unknown

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. - Phyllis Diller

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. - Kin Hubbard

Famous men have the whole earth as their memorial. - Pericles

Ya look like one of those pall buriers at a funeral. - Archie Bunker

A Canadian is somebody who can make love in a canoe. - Margaret Lally

Spare the rod and spoil the Memorial Day rotisserie. - Brian Spellman

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe. - American Proverb

I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma. - Eartha Kitt

The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

Spend your days pursuing the things you want said at your funeral. - Peter Legge

If any of you cry at my funeral I'll never speak to you again. - Stan Laurel

In peace sons bury their fathers, but in war fathers bury their sons. - Croesus

Many people's tombstones should read: 'Died at 30. Buried at 60.' - Nicholas M Butler

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

Many people die at twenty-five and aren't buried until they are seventy-five. - Benjamin Franklin

You need to bury the hatchet. No need to hold grudges. That only weighs you down. - Ken Shamrock

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain

When I die I want my tombstone to offer free WiFi, just so people will visit more often. - Unknown

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. - Ambrose Bierce

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Those who have one foot in the canoe and one foot in the boat are going to fall into the river. - Tuscarora Proverb

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

My Uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: 'What are you looking at?' - Margaret Smith

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. - Rita Rudner

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

No one has yet had the courage to memorialize his wealth on his tombstone. A dollar mark would not look well there. - Corra May Harris

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live. - Gary Delaney

If you carefully consider what you want to be said of you in the funeral experience, you will find your definition of success. - Stephen Covey

The birch-bark canoe of the savage seems to me one of the most beautiful and perfect things of the kind constructed by human art. - William C. Bryant

If you think that praise is due, now's the time to show it, 'cause a man can't read his tombstone when he's dead. - Unknown

Every pessimist who ever lived has been buried in an unmarked grave. Tomorrow has always been better than today, and it always will be. - Paul Harvey

When my time on Earth is gone and my activities here are past, I want that they should bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass. - Bobby Knight

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash