Husband Day Care Center

Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

Always say no, and you will never by married. - French Proverb

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. - Joan Rivers

Getting married is an incredible act of hopefulness. - Ashley Judd

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. - Roseanne Barr

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. - Dylan Thomas

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look. - Mia Farrow

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have. - Unknown

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. - WC Fields

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle