Husband Day Care Center

Shopping is my cardio. - Carrie Bradshaw

Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

Don't marry for money; divorce for money. - Wendy Liebman

Can you fix my husband? He says he's broke. - Unknown

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Gentlemen who prefer blondes usually marry brunettes. - Unknown

When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy. - James Goldsmith

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

My husband's idea of a good night out is a good night in. - Maureen Lipman

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Irwin Corey

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look. - Mia Farrow

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

Take care of your pennies and your dollars will take care of your widow's next husband. - American Proverb

My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There's a dead bird." He looked up. - Phyllis Diller

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

When the clergyman's daughter
Drinks nothing but water
She's certain to finish on gin. - Rudyard Kipling

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can even call yourself a beginner. - Jerry Seinfeld

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra