Have A Seat, Mr. Bond

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

The illusion that the times that were are better than those that are has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah