Hard Working Cop

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Not failure, but low aim, is crime. - J. R. Lowell

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime. - G. Gordon Liddy

Is it a bigger crime to rob a bank or to open one? - Ted Allan

Stop crime at its source - support planned parenthood. - Robert Byrne

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

I think crime pays. The hours are good, and you travel a lot. - Woody Allen

Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused. - Freda Adler

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

Outside of the killings, D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. - Marion Barry

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

It's a proven fact that capital punishment is a well-known detergent to crime. - Archie Bunker

Let's commit the perfect crime. I'll steal your heart, and you steal mine. - Meryl Streep

It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

Blind commitment to a theory is not an intellectual virtue: it is an intellectual crime. - Imre Lakatos

A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. - Lord Chesterfield

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business. - Will Rogers

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

If he don't go calling the cops “pigs” or one of those other epilets, he'll be all right. - Archie Bunker

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

A benefit of any job is laughter. It should never be a crime to have fun on the job. It may be a crime not to. - Terry Paulson

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. - Jay Leno

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise. - Paula Poundstone

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

Social Security's not the hard one to solve. Medicare, that is the gorilla in the room, and you've got to put all of it on the table. - Joe Biden

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff

One of the fondest expressions around is that we can't be the world's policeman. But guess who gets called when suddenly someone needs a cop. - General Colin Powell