#1 humor site on the 'net

Gas and Dash

Why they call Bubba a real hoser

Gas and Dash thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Getting even for the high cost of gas

QuotaBills
Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Safety doesn't happen by accident. - Unknown

My alone time is for everyone's safety. - Unknown

Defendit numerus: There is safety in numbers. - Unknown

Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. - Unknown

I think crime pays. The hours are good, and you travel a lot. - Woody Allen

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries. - Aldous Huxley

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls. - Anais Nin

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety. - Bible

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversation. - Elizabeth Drew

Our deeds still travel with us from afar, and what we have been makes us what we are. - George Eliot

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

Artists are blessed to travel all over the world. They see the trends before they even come out. - Tina Knowles

People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home. - Dagobert D. Runes

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living. - Miriam Beard

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Oh my. Space travel sounds rather perilous. I can assure you they will never get me on one of those dreadful Star Ships. - C-3PO

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. - Woody Allen

Every street in London has a camera, and if you ever travel up the M4, it feels as if George Orwell should be your chauffeur. - Don McCullin

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

As a travel writer I've specialized in gritty, fearful destinations, the kind of places that make a reader's hair stick on end. - Tahir Shah

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman


Auto Strap

Victorian Bathing Machine

Stork Exhaust

Slap Me Into Next Year

Is This Really Happening?!

Ostrich Bush

Frozen Fish Meal

Bacon Wrapped Onion Rings

T-Rex Shadow

Camel Parking

Cheat of the Year

Born To Be Wild

Why I Wear 2 Masks

Welfare State

Redneck Wedding Cake

Blonde Gears

Party Direction Sign

House 'Broke'rage

'Piece of Cake' Resignation Letter

Bee Safe

Catfish Noodling

I'm A Believer

Sewing Sculpture

Greatest Italian Riders