#1 humor site on the 'net

Frozen Apple Blossoms

Growing winter fruit in the Moist West Territories

Frozen Apple Blossoms thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Frozen Apple Blossoms thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Head Cold: Rheum service - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ice Cream: What I do when scared - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hard Water: The scientific name for ice - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I detest him more than cold boiled veal. - Lord Macaulay

Room service - don't send up any more ice. - WC Fields

Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything. - Billy Graham

Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

A book must be the ax for the frozen sea within us. - Franz Kafka

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Macaw: What I have trouble starting on cold mornings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Was the ground cold when you crawled out this morning? - Henny Youngman

What good is warmth without cold to give it sweetness? - John Steinbeck

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass. - David Lee Roth

An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough. - Unknown

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. - Martin Mull

Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why. - Bernard Baruch

If you're already walking on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Proverb

Sadness is more or less like a head cold - with patience, it passes. - Barbara Kingsolver

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Grantartica: The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When it gets hot like this, you know what I do? I keep my undies in the ice box. - Marilyn Monroe

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan

What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness. - John Steinbeck

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold. - Jody Defries

A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends. - Kin Hubbard

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

I like ice hockey. No one is ever going to ask me to write about that as a metaphor for life. - Steven Pinker

A statistician can have his head in the oven and his feet in ice, and on average he feels fine. - Unknown

We all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer. The poor get it in the winter. - Bat Masterson

Growing up, I'd just be at home, playing tennis, spending my allowance on an ice-cream truck. - Venus Williams

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations - it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir. - Stuart Keate

Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. - Leonardo da Vinci

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky


Happy ARRRRRRRHH!

City Beach Castle

Martini Shirt

Mal Nutrition

Stowaway Soccer Fan

Watch Out For Slugger

Canada Frigate

Shimmy Car-nage

Texas Cow Cleaner

DogWood

The Floater

How We Played Online Before The Internet

Sports Hernias

Redneck Power Windows

Star Wars Howl

Leaning Bookshelves

Sometimes Dads Are Wet For Work

Dad Sandwich

Months Apart

Swing Dad

Dadspiration

Daddy, Can I Ride It?

Leaf Surgery

No Wheeler