#1 humor site on the 'net

Commemorative Pistol

Congress adopts new policy for gun control

Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of the United States Senate and the House of Representatives. It will be named the 'Congressman.' It doesn't work and you can't fire it.
Commemorative Pistol thanks to Jim Serritella

Ruger's new firearm shoots close to home

QuotaBills
Shoot folly as it flies. - Alexander Pope

Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Leave the gun, take the cannoli. - The Godfather

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

Guns have only two enemies - rust and politicians. - Unknown

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - George Burns

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? - Mae West

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? - George Carlin

Fan Club: Weapon used by a celebrity to beat off too many fans - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite

You can figure out what the villain fears by his choice of weapons. - Connie Brockway

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. - Unknown

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey

Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award. - Billy Wilder

Stories are the single most powerful weapon in a leader's arsenal. - Howard Gardner

Your heaviest artillery will be your will to live. Keep that big gun going. - Norman Cousins

You can see the true heart of a man when you're out in the woods with a weapon. - Jase Robertson

Husband-hunting: A sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The guns and the bombs, the rockets and the warships, are all symbols of human failure. - Lyndon B Johnson

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

While I love shooting in New York City, I look forward to filming season six in Los Angeles. - Donald Trump

Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed. - Joseph Stalin

My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

I became hooked on the idea of being able to shoot an image and process it myself, and end up with a product. - Leonard Nimoy

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

To an entrepreneur, closing a financing often feels like the end of a marathon. It's actually the starting gun. - Andy Dunn

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

The Supreme Court's only armor is the cloak of public trust; its sole ammunition, the collective hopes of our society. - Irving R. Kaufman

You've probably got a device on you that can shoot decent video, so what's stopping you? Capture and share some moments. - Steve Garfield

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present. - Marcus Aurelius

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single. - Tiny Tim

I not only knew Houdini, but we had a very lovely relationship. I really though we had something going, and then the son of a gun disappeared. - Betty White

When I came back to Dublin, I was courtmartialled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. - Brendan Behan

Sex is like an atom bomb. A potent weapon which fascinates and frightens. We're afraid to let it loose, yet we all have our finger on the button. - Zeena Schreck


Vintage Birth Control

Close Shave

Australian RV

Panorama Dog

Revenue Canada Subscription Cancellation

Why You Shouldn't Let Your Dog Drink Beer

Reflection

Plane Tennis

New IRS Form

Wisconsin Cheese

MAGA King

Baby Formula

When Gas Costs Too Much

Shoemobile

Salmon Street

Pandemic Treaty

People Of The River

SUV Sinkhole

Hope

Blonde's 710 Cover

Dragon Playground

Redneck Boat Ramp

Jack-A-Lope vs Jack-E-Lope

Urleen