Childproof House

Children make you want to start life over. - Muhammad Ali

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents. - John J. Plomp

There is never a problem child; there is only a problem parent. - A.S. Neill

I don't teach my children what is Hindu and what is Muslim. - Shah Rukh Khan

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us. - Stephen Colbert

As a child, the only clear thought I had was "Get candy." - Jerry Seinfeld

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you. - Dick Cavett

Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action. - Benjamin Disraeli

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus

When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. - Groucho Marx

Four very powerful words to say to your child: "I believe in you." - Kevin Heath

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

Children are paparazzi. They take your picture when you don't want them to. - Jamie Lee Curtis

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth. - African Proverb

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. - Walt Streightiff

When I see my granddaughters make small discoveries of their own, I wish I were a child. - Dr. Seuss

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object. - Laurence J Peter

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. - Angela Schwindt

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

As a child, I was subjected to a lot of spaghetti Westerns and hated them. I wanted the Indians to win. - Kara Walker

I've enjoyed many camping holidays with my sister and her children, but we're pretty posh campers. - Erin O'Connor

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

The Honourable Lady was once an egg and people on both sides of this House greatly regret its fertilisation. - Nicholas Fairbairn

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. - Alex Haley

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah