#1 humor site on the 'net

Cat Control

When the cat's a pain in the ...

Cat Control thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Showing who's boss in the house

QuotaBills
Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogmatic: Run by canine power. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

All cats appear grey in the dark. - English Proverb

Only you can control your future. - Dr. Seuss

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

Control your own destiny or someone else will. - Jack Welch

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

The kind man feeds his cat before sitting down to dinner. - Hebrew Proverb

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

If we growl all day we're likely to feel dog tired at night. - Amish Saying

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. - Jean Kerr

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. - Cathy Carlyle

While your circumstances are beyond your control, your character is not. - John C Maxwell

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. - Groucho Marx

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

If you think you have influence, try ordering some else's dog around. - Amish Saying

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx

The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell

It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice. - Deng Xiaoping

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Goals allow you to take control. Instead of living life by chance, you live by choice. - Kam Knight

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. - Hippolyte Taine

Always the cat remains a little beyond the limits we try to set for him in our blind folly. - Andre Norton

I control my emotions pretty well, but when you come around they're all over the place. - Unknown

It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing. - Lemony Snicket

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions. - Will Smith

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Don't major in the minors. Do the tough things first and take control of both your carer and your future. - Peter Legge

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

As long as you are aware and in control of your emotions, negative thoughts can produce positive consequences. - Nick Vujicic

Dignity comes not from control, but from understanding who you are and taking your rightful place in the world. - Gordon Atkinson

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving. - Dale Carnegie

Yoga is invigoration in relaxation. Freedom in routine. Confidence through self control. Energy within and energy without. - Ymber Delecto

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence, seeing how you react. If you're in control, they're in control. - Tom Landry

Quality Control: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change. - Barbara DeAngelis


GMC Pool

Nature Calls

You're Home Early

New Nail Gun

Long Noodles

EMS Upgrade

No Pot Of Gold

Graduation Swag

Monkeypox

Pre-Dinner Photography

Curses, Foiled Again

Ant Virus

Sidewalk Malt Melt

Bird's Eye View

Sea Girl

Lifeguard Distancing

Merry Go Motorbike

Build Back Better - Season 2

Build Back Better - Season 1

Zamboni Date

Bagpipe Runners

9 Months On The Inside

Noah Called

The Mighty Stegosaurus