Birth Control At Its Finest

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Germs: The only things kids will share freely - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service. - Rodney Dangerfield

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death. - Albert Einstein

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor. - Teri Garr

The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough. - Amy Weintraub

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer