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Birth Control At Its Finest

Preventing back seat accidents

Birth Control At Its Finest thanks to Keith Blake

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Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

A nurse will always give us hope,
an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience? - Mother Theresa

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


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