Birth Control At Its Finest

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

Juvenile Delinquency: Modern term for what we did as kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Save one life, you're a hero. Save 100 lives, you're a nurse. - Unknown

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? - Benny Hill

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart