Birth Control At Its Finest

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

After your death, you will be what you were before your birth. - Arthur Schopenhauer

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler