#1 humor site on the 'net

Balanced Diet

Avoiding the temptation of a good-smelling meal

Balanced Diet thanks to Roy Taylor

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

Obedience is the highest practical courage. - Charles Spurgeon

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

Trust should be the basis for all our moral training. - Robert Baden-Powell

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Lead me not into temptation. I can find the way myself. - Rita Mae Brown

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. - H L Mencken

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. - Oscar Wilde

Obedience is the mother of success and is wedded to safety. - Aeschylus

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When the hares have all been caught, the hunting dogs are cooked. - Laozi

Creative minds have been known to survive any sort of bad training. - Anna Freud

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Knowing was a temptation. What you don't know won't tempt you. - Margaret Atwood

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

The best training a top manager can be engaged in is management by example. - Carlos Ghosn

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Skateboarding is training, but I don't think of it as training. It's fun. - Shaun White

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

By persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation. - Oscar Wilde

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

The only thing worse than training employees and losing them, is not training them and keeping them. - Zig Ziglar

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

Giving is more than a responsibility - it is a privilege; more than an act of obedience - it is evidence of our faith. - William A Ward

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

We do not need to attend classroom training programs for everything. Observation opens the windows of knowledge around us. - Sukant Ratnakar

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I hated every minute of training, but I said, "Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion." - Muhammad Ali

A doable goal for me is to finish a marathon under four hours. I'm doing all the training, but the hardest part is eating right. - Sean Astin

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia


High Strung Violinist

Deodorized Pads

Leteracy Night

Redneck Baby Carriage

Stealth Readers

Good Stuff Or Else

Productive Computers

Poodle Power

Trust Issues

Bacon Soda Sales

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

My Time

Lerts

Great White Socks

That's Not A Bagpipe!

Paint Protection

Balanced Writer

Jolly Good Recovery

Tylenol Ban

In Perfect Harmony

Kiosk Hours

Borderline Stupidity

Inside Outside Thinking

Kia vs Nokia