#1 humor site on the 'net

Balanced Diet

Avoiding the temptation of a good-smelling meal

Balanced Diet thanks to Roy Taylor

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Saintliness is also a temptation. - Jean Anouilh

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We gain the strength of the temptation we resist. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. - Robert A Heinlein

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. - Oscar Wilde

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Obedience is the mother of success and is wedded to safety. - Aeschylus

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Creative minds have been known to survive any sort of bad training. - Anna Freud

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

Skateboarding is training, but I don't think of it as training. It's fun. - Shaun White

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. - Mark Twain

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Strengthen the female mind by enlarging it, and there will be an end to blind obedience. - Mary Wollstonecraft

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

Supporting myself at an early age was the best training for life I could have possibly received. - Lea Thompson

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

I was training to be an electrician. I suppose I got wired the wrong way round somewhere along the line. - Elvis Presley

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

We have to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that it is talent and training, not color, that makes a ballet dancer. - Arthur Mitchell

Giving is more than a responsibility - it is a privilege; more than an act of obedience - it is evidence of our faith. - William A Ward

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight. - Josh Billings

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

We do not need to attend classroom training programs for everything. Observation opens the windows of knowledge around us. - Sukant Ratnakar

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

Many training programs and often schools focus on just a skill or a kind of work competency. That's only half the equation. - Gerald Chertavian

I hated every minute of training, but I said, "Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion." - Muhammad Ali

Not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. - George Sala

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

There's only one thing worse than training your staff and having them leave, and that's not training them and having them stay. - Zig Ziglar

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


Redneck Carriage Car

Fishing Trip in New Zealand

Baby's Eviction Notice

Australia 101 For Tourists

New Parking Spot For Women

Bestist

Perfect Circle

Work At Home Mom

German Car Parkade

Conversation Chair

Despicable Watermelon

Popcorn Cremation

Bus Stop

Police De-Tail: Down-Wind Protocol

Tell Me Why You Can't Work

Canadian Drive-Thru

'Light Through Planes' Art

Time Is Free

Fashion Decisions

Harley Truck

Bird Person

Finger Cup

Voices In My Head

Carousel Escape