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Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

No one vinces me, baby - Michael Grant

The best mirror is an old friend. - Peter Nivio Zarlenga

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine. - Steven Wright

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror. - Pamela Anderson

Look at life through the windshield, not the rearview mirror. - Byrd Baggett

I look in the mirror through the eyes of the child that was me. - Judy Collins

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

If you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror. - Shane Koyczan

Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person. - Chanakya

You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul. - George Bernard Shaw

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton

If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth. - Jaden Smith

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

I have a Rubik's Cube for a rearview mirror, because the past is the only time puzzle I can solve. - Jarod Kintz

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' - Drew Carey

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt


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