Advice For Married Men

Men plan and God laughs. - Yiddish Proverb

The wisest men follow their own direction. - Euripides

All men are Jews, except they don't know it. - Bernard Malamud

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them. - Kin Hubbard

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

Men count up the faults of those who keep them waiting. - French Proverb

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. - George Carlin

Men should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable. - Cher

It is not titles that honour men, but men that honour titles. - Niccolo Machiavelli

The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Men in general are quick to believe that which they wish to be true. - Julius Caesar

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Red Skelton

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. - George Bernard Shaw

It's not the men in my life that counts, it's the life in my men. - Mae West

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together in turbulent mobs? - Washington Irving

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde

The greatest men have been those who have cut their way to success through difficulties. - F.W. Robertson

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses. - Francis Bacon

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. - Betsy Salkind

If men could see the epitaphs their friends write they would believe they had got into the wrong grave. - American Proverb

Beside Leopold, Nero, Caligula, Attila, Torquemada, Genghis Khan and such killers of men are mere amateurs. - Mark Twain

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

I refused to go on 'Grumpy Old Men.' I said, 'If I go on, I will be grumpy about grumpy old men.' - Stephen Fry

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

“But it doesn't take a thousand men to open a door, my lord."
"It might to keep it open.” - Ursula K. Le Guin

The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man inevitably confines himself within ancient limits. - Nathaniel Hawthorne

There is a boundary to men's passions when they act from feelings; but none when they are under the influence of imagination. - Edmund Burke

There is a blessed necessity by which the interest of men is always driving them to the right, and making all crime mean and ugly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where And Who. - Rudyard Kipling

Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who make you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. - Joanne Woodward

Animals, in their generation, are wiser than the sons of men; but their wisdom is confined to a few particulars, and lies in a very narrow compass. - Joseph Addison

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? - Linda Ellerbee