21st Century Bride

Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Cantaloupe: Got to get married in Church - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

Sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. - Oscar Wilde

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. - Unknown

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. - G Norman Collie

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

If you never want to see a man again, just tell him, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children." They leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst