21st Century Bride

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

One does not marry art. One ravishes it. - Edgar Degas

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

Call no man unhappy until he is married. - Socrates

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper. - Scottish Saying

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

Now a soft kiss; Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss. - John Keats

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

Whether you wind up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends on the kind of chick you married. - Unknown

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Without the will, marriage is a mockery; without the emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both. - Ravi Zacharias

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. - WC Fields

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. - John C Maxwell

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. - G Norman Collie

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. - Albert Einstein

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are. - Will Ferrell

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who make you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. - Joanne Woodward

If you never want to see a man again, just tell him, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children." They leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst