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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Darn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Man is not free unless government is limited. - Ronald Reagan

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

World War II was the last government program that really worked. - George Will

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

We should measure welfare's success by how many people leave welfare, not by how many are added. - Ronald Reagan

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Its success lies in the fact that it's an insurance plan, not an investment plan or a welfare plan. - James Roosevelt

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

Taxpayer - someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. - Ronald Reagan

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill


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