This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Darn, this is a great country!
QuotaBillsLet sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb
Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz
Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker
Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe
Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley
Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato
A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb
To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown
The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown
My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton
A jester unemployed is nobody's fool. - Danny Kaye
A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown
He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb
Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare
I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney
Colliefornia: The American state that has gone to the dogs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown
Unemployment is of vital importance, particularly to the unemployed. - Edward Heath
The quickest way to become an old dog is to stop learning new tricks. - John Rooney
It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump
Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker
Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings
To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain
The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine
I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw
Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard
Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves. - Thomas Jefferson
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney
What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton
Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat
Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow
We don't have inflation because we are living too well. We have it because government is living too well. - Ronald Reagan
When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart
If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown
Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman
When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron
If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard
I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman
Snap-On Gasket Scrapper: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill
Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey