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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Darn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

A jester unemployed is nobody's fool. - Danny Kaye

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Colliefornia: The American state that has gone to the dogs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

Unemployment is of vital importance, particularly to the unemployed. - Edward Heath

The quickest way to become an old dog is to stop learning new tricks. - John Rooney

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves. - Thomas Jefferson

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

We don't have inflation because we are living too well. We have it because government is living too well. - Ronald Reagan

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Snap-On Gasket Scrapper: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey


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