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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Darn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
Welfare incipients - Archie Bunker

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

An angry dog is best led by its tail. - Unknown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Every country has the government it deserves. - Joseph de Maistre

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wok The Dog: Specialty at Vietnamese Restaurants - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves. - Thomas Jefferson

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

We should measure welfare's success by how many people leave welfare, not by how many are added. - Ronald Reagan

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one. - Thomas Paine

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill


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