#1 humor site on the 'net

Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Damn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

A jester unemployed is nobody's fool. - Danny Kaye

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffet

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Every country has the government it deserves. - Joseph de Maistre

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Its success lies in the fact that it's an insurance plan, not an investment plan or a welfare plan. - James Roosevelt

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

Taxpayer - someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. - Ronald Reagan

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

It's especially hard if the government is not providing services, or is even conducting ethnic cleansing against you. - Paul Harvey

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey


Scarf Fashion

Not Alone

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Goodbye Tattoo

Family Exercise

Bulge That All Women Love

Hand Drawn

Learn To Fly

Rosella Ring

Orthodox Weapon

Antler Car

Wicked Stawm

Dementia Relations

Church Karma

The End in Canada

Sign Slippage

Obedient Wives

Symptoms of Laziness

Hog Hunter

Sea Horse

Impossible Object

Blinker Fluid

Dutch Rollerblades

Goat Tree