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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Darn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

An angry dog is best led by its tail. - Unknown

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wok The Dog: Specialty at Vietnamese Restaurants - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

If we growl all day we're likely to feel dog tired at night. - Amish Saying

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

When the hares have all been caught, the hunting dogs are cooked. - Laozi

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. - Kin Hubbard

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers

It is a general popular error to suppose the loudest complainers for the public to be the most anxious for its welfare. - Edmund Burke

It's especially hard if the government is not providing services, or is even conducting ethnic cleansing against you. - Paul Harvey

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men. - Plato

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers


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