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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Darn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
Welfare incipients - Archie Bunker

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

A jester unemployed is nobody's fool. - Danny Kaye

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H L Mencken

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

Unemployment is of vital importance, particularly to the unemployed. - Edward Heath

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P.J. O'Rourke

The police force cannot be completely independent of the executive government. - P Chidambaram

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony.
But if they lie to us, it's politics. - Bill Murray

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person. - Unknown

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


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