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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Darn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Southpaw: A dog who is left-handed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Government cannot and must not replace private initiative. - Kim Campbell

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H L Mencken

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

Unemployment is of vital importance, particularly to the unemployed. - Edward Heath

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

It is a general popular error to suppose the loudest complainers for the public to be the most anxious for its welfare. - Edmund Burke

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men. - Plato

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


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