#1 humor site on the 'net

Scratch-Off Parking Tickets

Putting the fun back in traffic citations

Scratch-Off Parking Tickets thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Feeling lucky?

QuotaBills
Winners train, losers complain. - Unknown

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Winners plan, prepare, and expect to win. - Zig Ziglar

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Only the winners decide what were war crimes. - Gary Wills

A winner never quits, and a quitter never wins. - Unknown

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks

Everybody falls, but only winners get back on their feet. - Unknown

The only thing greater than a good loser is a humble winner. - Unknown

Winners are not those who never fail but those who never quit. - Zig Ziglar

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

If you scratch a cynic, you'll find a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Winners in life don't always win; they just don't give up. - Unknown

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Only a loser thinks of failures. A winner looks upon them as temporary setbacks. - Dave Mani

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan

Common sense is just as good a critic of the lottery as any statistical breakdown. - Hunter Baker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

Winners lose more than losers. They win and lose more than losers, because they stay in the game. - Terry Paulson

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

The real winners in life are the people who look at every situation with an expectation that they can make it work or make it better. - Barbra Pletcher

I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


Vatican Chess

Egg Tester

Equal Rights Church

Bring me Solo and the Wookie

Monongahela River

Hockey Rivalry: Vancouver Canucks vs. Calgary Flames

Extreme Skateboarding

Dentist Drill

Rabbit Boost

Potting Pot

Devil's Food Rose Cake

Computer Memory Family

Tearable Puns

Baby Hatching

Free Paper

Welcome to New Zealand

Squeegee Clothing

Stay!

Ice Bird

Black Plague II

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Perfectly In Tune With Nature

Lawn Time Awakening

Flatulent Cow