Scratch-Off Parking Tickets

A winner never whines. - Paul Brown

Parking is such street sorrow. - Herb Caen

Winners never quit, quitters never win. - Vince Lombardi

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. - Ogden Nash

Only the winners decide what were war crimes. - Gary Wills

What makes a winner as much as anything: luck. - Red Auerbach

There'll be only one winner now - in every sense. - David Coleman

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us air tickets. - Mel Brooks

The only thing greater than a good loser is a humble winner. - Unknown

Winners are not those who never fail but those who never quit. - Zig Ziglar

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Life is a game show where the people who enjoy it are the winners. - Orson Bean

Winner: a runner who wins in spite of ninety nine excellent runners. - Sujit Lalwani

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

Losers visualize the penalties of failure. Winners visualize the rewards of success. - Unknown

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson