#1 humor site on the 'net

Safest Restaurant In The World

Sandwich safety in Asheville, North Carolina

Safest Restaurant In The World thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
In a pig's dye - Archie Bunker

Bacon is meat candy. - Unknown

Racist Pig: A hog on wheels - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hogwash: Pig's laundry. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Bacon is duct tape for the kitchen. - Unknown

Zombies eat brains. You're safe. - Unknown

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? - George Carlin

I actually get quite sad when I smell bacon. - Jane Velez-Mitchell

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. - Unknown

Bacon: the main reason you are not a vegetarian. - Unknown

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

One can give advice comfortably from a safe port. - Johann Von Schiller

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach. - WC Fields

You want people to think you live in a pig's eye? - Archie Bunker

Mmmm, pork chops and bacon... my two favorite animals. - Homer Simpson

Fancy Restaurant: One that serves cold soup on purpose - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers. - Unknown

I love super crispy, almost burned, snapping-crispy bacon. - David Lynch

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

Look a pig in its eyes, and understand the truth behind bacon. - Mango Wodzak

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. - John Shedd

Bacon is going to save the world. I don't know how but it will. - Unknown

Her face looked like something on the menu in a seafood restaurant. - Woody Allen

If you call ham "Canadian bacon", what do you call bacon? - Michael Kelso

Do you think that suppository is gonna be safe from me there, Edith? - Archie Bunker

You cannot come to a Nigerian restaurant without having pepper soup. - Ben Okri

Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

It is when we all play safe that we create a world of utmost insecurity. - Dag Hammarskjold

The man who is in real danger is the man who thinks he is perfectly safe. - James M. Barrie

Bacon's not the only thing that's cured by hanging from a string. - Hugh Kingsmill

The purpose of anthropology is to make the world safe for human differences. - Ruth Benedict

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones. - Mignon McLaughlin

Pigs had just officially sprouted wings and were flying alongside airplanes. - Jennifer L Armentrout

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. - Adlai E. Stevenson

Your secrets are safe with me because, chances are, I wasn't even listening. - Bill Murray

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. - Kin Hubbard

Thank God I've got eyebrows like bacon, because I've always got egg on my face. - Jarod Kintz

Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. - Gillian Flynn

Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it. - Cale Yarborough

I'm in love with the potential of miracles. For me, the safest place is out on a limb. - Shirley MacLaine

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

Of course I have played outdoor games. I once played dominoes in an open air cafe in Paris. - Oscar Wilde

Easter is the only time when it's perfectly safe to put all of your eggs in one basket. - Evan Esar

Platitudes are safe, because they're easy to wink at, but truth is something else again. - Hunter S. Thompson

If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. - John F Kennedy

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

It is safe to tell the pure in heart that they shall see God, for only the pure in heart want to. - C S Lewis

Breakfast is my favorite meal. I cook a big one for everyone - bacon and eggs. I own a lot of eggcups. - Emily Mortimer

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

I tore myself away from the safe comfort of certainties through my love for truth; and truth rewarded me. - Sylvia Ashton Warner

I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French - surprised everybody, it was a Chinese restaurant. - Tommy Cooper

If he don't go calling the cops “pigs” or one of those other epilets, he'll be all right. - Archie Bunker

Bank of America is to sweetheart loans and Democratic Party payoffs as Paula Deen is to sugar and bacon grease. - Michelle Malkin

Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask, while others finally feel safe to take theirs off. - Steve Maraboli

The pig is not just pork chops and bacon and ham to us. The pig is a co-laborer in this great land-healing ministry. - Joel Salatin

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it. - H L Mencken

So long as the mother, ignorance, lives, it is not safe for science, the offspring, to divulge the hidden cause of things. - Johannes Kepler

The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton

Edible: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

Cannibal: 1. One who is fed up with people; 2. A person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter; 3. One who loves his fellow man with gravy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


Gold Bar Carrot Cake

Looking For A Mate

Food For Thought

Kanye Twitty

Skull Tentacles

Ukrainian Cattle Car

CreepEye

Canadian Whiskey

Winter Tree

WrenchWare

Dog Sled

Winter Ready

Bread Dress

Bear With Me

Open-air schools in The Netherlands

Ghost Food

Toothpaste Holder

Two Face

Redneck Porch Hunter

Jeep Words

Elton or Eltoff?

Finger Physio

Fish Eye Lens

Nice Try, China