Prison Santa

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Goose Bumps: To keep geese from speeding - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

An art thief is a man who takes pictures. - George Carlin

Behind every great fortune there is a crime. - Honore de Balzac

Show me a liar, and I'll show you a thief. - George Herbert

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

The most anxious man in a prison is the warden. - George Bernard Shaw

Is it a bigger crime to rob a bank or to open one? - Ted Allan

Stop crime at its source - support planned parenthood. - Robert Byrne

He who has reaped the profits has committed the crime. - Seneca

You can't stop a thing by makin' a crime of it. - Kin Hubbard

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. - William Shakespeare

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Police Station: A place where sleeping is all right in a pinch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused. - Freda Adler

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

It is a lot harder now to be a police officer than what it used to be. - Steven Seagal

The world's second-most crime is boredom; the first is being a bore. - Cecil Beaton

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

Sleeping is my drug; my bed is my dealer; and my alarm clock is the police. - Unknown

The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley

Outside of the killings, D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. - Marion Barry

I am kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - J.D. Salinger

Tabloid: 1. A newspaper with a permanent crime wave; 2. A screamlined newspaper. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. - Ernest Hemingway

Let's commit the perfect crime. I'll steal your heart, and you steal mine. - Meryl Streep

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

The world itself is but a large prison, out of which some are daily led to execution. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed. - Anthony Powell

Blind commitment to a theory is not an intellectual virtue: it is an intellectual crime. - Imre Lakatos

Dreams are excursions into the limbo of things, a semi-deliverance from the human prison. - Henri Amiel

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. - Oscar Wilde

When a man commits the same crime twice, and is not punished, it seems to him permissible. - Talmud

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. - Ronnie Corbett

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

The police feel that most of the public are against them and that there is a lot of bad feeling. - Peter James

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

A police force, wherever they are, is made up of amazing people, and I respect them a great deal. - Nancy McKeon

Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton. - Dan Duva

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business. - Will Rogers

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. - WC Fields

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals. - Ronnie Corbett

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Many commit the same crime with very different results. One bears a cross for his crime, the other a crown. - Juvenal

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

The true identity theft is not financial. It's not in cyberspace. It's spiritual. It's been taken. - Stephen Covey

The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him. - G K Chesterton

One of the many lessons that one learns in prison is, that things are what they are and will be what they will be. - Oscar Wilde

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

At the end of a marathon, it's going to hurt whether you're speeding up or slowing down. You may as well push. - Summer Sanders

I'm being kidnapped by a comforter, sheet and pillow. No need to call the police for I will be released by morning. - Unknown

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

There is a blessed necessity by which the interest of men is always driving them to the right, and making all crime mean and ugly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff

When you have police officers who abuse citizens, you erode public confidence in law enforcement. That makes the job of good police officers unsafe. - Mary F Berry