Marital Rating Chart - Wife

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. - Rita Rudner

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Irwin Corey

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

Today couples live together until they learn to detest one another. Then they get married. - G K Chesterton

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. - Albert Einstein

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller