Marital Rating Chart - Husband

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Don't marry for money; divorce for money. - Wendy Liebman

Can you fix my husband? He says he's broke. - Unknown

Her husband was infidelicate with another woman. - Archie Bunker

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me. - Bette Midler

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott

Take care of your pennies and your dollars will take care of your widow's next husband. - American Proverb

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way. - Lauren Bacall

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. - Wendy Liebman

A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. - Ogden Nash

Getting married is easy. Staying married is more difficult. Staying happily married for a lifetime should rank among the fine arts. - Roberta Flack

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain