#1 humor site on the 'net

Items Of Value

Words of car theft encouragement

Items Of Value thanks to Mike King

Leave anything behind in your car?

QuotaBills
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time. - J. Mason

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

He prefers the security of known misery to the misery of unfamiliar insecurity. - Sheldon B. Kopp

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

It often happens that the quotations constitute the most valuable part of a book. - Vicesimus Knox

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Gestures, in love, are incomparably more attractive, effective, and valuable than words. - Francois Rabelais

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

Rather than the strength it takes to not lose, it's the strength to stand back up after a loss that is sometimes more valuable. - Kyo Shirodaira

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. - Sinclair Lewis

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama

Social Security's not the hard one to solve. Medicare, that is the gorilla in the room, and you've got to put all of it on the table. - Joe Biden

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


World's Greatest Typo

Icehenge

Found It!

Puma Pants

Polar Bear Attack

Foot Sign Language

Winter Tires

Hooters Face Mask

Latte Art

Whiskey Toothpaste

Titanic's Non-Romantic Scene

Fake News

Steep Steps

Better Lawyer

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Snow Detour

No Time For This

Kwik-Mart Math

Croatian Landscaping

Best Fairy Tale

Back In Five Minutes

Winterized Motorcycle

If IKEA Ran GM

Six Hunnit