Hardworking Wife

My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield

A root is a flower that disdains fame. - Kahlil Gibran

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. - Homer Simpson

I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic. - Drew Barrymore

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be thankful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful. - Harvey Mackay

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different. - Harvey Mackay

The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon