#1 humor site on the 'net

Grass Pinch

Budget cuts in Clothespin Park

Grass Pinch thanks to Keith Blake

Cholesterol in the country

QuotaBills
Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

An intellectual is a man who doesn't know how to park his bike. - Spiro T. Agnew

Some of my best friends are illusions. Been sustaining me for years. - Sheila Ballantyne

All you need to grow fine, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk. - Will Rogers

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. - Zenrin

If grass can grow through cement, love can find you at every time in your life. - Cher

The grass withers, the flower fades
But the word of our God stands forever. - Isaiah 40:8

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

I'm kinda disapointed that Canada isn't like the South Park movie said it was. - Joel Madden

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. - Steven Wright

Wishes and fears are illusions, Dil Bahadur, not realities. You must practice detachment. - Isabel Allende

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Samson, he takes the jawbone out of the grass and he kills the whole army of the Phillipines. - Archie Bunker

I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park. - Dolly Parton

Writing is very much a playground - an artistic playground. It's the most fun thing I do. - Shania Twain

The illusion that the times that were are better than those that are has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to live. - Mark Twain

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached. - Simone Weil

I asked the waiter, "Is this milk fresh?" He said, "Lady, three hours ago it was grass." - Phyllis Diller

An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth. - Unknown

Tarry a moment to watch the chaos of a playground, crayola-colored shirts of running children, all trying out their wings. - Dr. SunWolf

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

If you like the outdoors, Colorado is a big adventure playground for adults: it's great for skiing, cycling, climbing, and hiking. - Tyler Hamilton

Social media is about friending someone so they'll invite you to a party or get you a job. If that's the work, Snapchat is the playground. - Evan Spiegel

Personal columnists are jackals and no jackal has been known to live on grass once he had learned about meat - no matter who killed the meat for him. - Ernest Hemingway

In New York, everybody looks great and is well dressed, but seeing someone in Ohio wearing Marc Jacobs is like spotting an owl in Central Park. Rare. - Isabel Gillies


2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

That's My Bed

Laxative Cream Pie

Crow Species

Japanese Eye Test

Donut Hole History

The Original Homeland Security

Bustache

I Will Never Tell

Vancouver Snow Plow

Costco Wheels

British Accountant

Find Your Car

First Selfie

Spider Trap

Soothing Hairstyle

Winter Ready

Rush Job Calendar

Head Games

My Favourite Day of the Year

Millionaire Women

Face Palm

Restaurant Valentines

No Pit Stop Car