#1 humor site on the 'net

Grandma Not Welcome

Finding peace and quiet from family noise

Grandma Not Welcome thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Friends are the family you choose. - Jennifer Aniston

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

The family is the nucleus of civilization. - William Durant

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

Family is not an important thing - it's everything. - Michael J. Fox

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

A diamond is just a piece of coal that handles stress exceptionally well. - Unknown

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. - Hans Selye

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me. - Groucho Marx

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. - Bill Keane

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family. - Anita Baker

When you start about family, about lineage and ancestry, you are talking about every person on earth. - Alex Haley

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. - Ani DiFranco

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

I've come to learn that the best time to debate family members is when they have good in their mouths. - Kenneth Cole

The larger office, the corner space, the extra window are the teddy bears and tricycles of adult office life. - Willard Gaylin

What is a family except memories? Haphazard and precious as the contents of a catchall drawer in the kitchen. - Joyce C Oates

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

Engagement Rings

Outback Golf Course

Importanter

Get In Line!

Landing On The Moon

Fire Breath

Sun Tan Sales

Ice Age Cake

Wailea Splendour

Me No Study

Peter Cotton Ale

Social Distancing Champ

GPS Directions

Secret Exit

Clippendales

Starborks

Post-Apocalyptical Section

Hide And Sikh

Yoga Pants

Really Good Day

Be Someone

My Time

Algebra Relationship