Family Jewels

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community. - Archie Bunker

I would give everything if I could only keep my family. - Johnny Depp

Family is not an important thing - it's everything. - Michael J. Fox

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. - Erma Bombeck

Acting is just a way of making a living; the family is life. - Denzel Washington

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

The sage wears rough clothing and holds the jewel in his heart. - Lao-Tzu

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family. - Anthony Brandt

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. - Mother Teresa

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. - Desmond Tutu

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

The family you came from isn't as important as the family you're going to have. - Ring Lardner

Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have. - Unknown

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family. - Anita Baker

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield

Every family story has 1,000 other stories contained within it, like an unending series of nesting dolls. - Alison Pick

I've come to learn that the best time to debate family members is when they have good in their mouths. - Kenneth Cole

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

Family, religion, friendship... these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. - Mr. Burns

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

The diamond may adorn royalty, regardless of personal worth; but jewels of thought render even poverty illustrious and sublime. - Gems for the Fireside

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

The family should be a place where each new human being can have an early atmosphere conducive to the development of constructive creativity. - Edith Schaeffer