#1 humor site on the 'net

Drink And Drive Directions

Choose your own destiny

Drink And Drive Directions thanks to Kyle Ziegler

QuotaBills
I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

To a warden Utopia is an escape-proof jail. - Mark Twain

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink. - Gore Vidal

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water. - WC Fields

Have fun, be active. Ride a bike instead of driving, for example. - Dan Buettner

Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable. - G K Chesterton

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face. - Enrico Caruso

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant. - Mitchell Kapor

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. - Nancy Astor

I'm a Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death. - Jack Kerouac

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win. - Roger Bannister

Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson

Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went. - John Updike

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. - George Burns

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. - Peter F Drucker

The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it's possible to achieve the American dream. - Tommy Hilfiger

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders. - Sloan Wilson

I cook croquetas, and I eat jamon. I keep my diet 100% Mediterranean and drink my Rioja. In that sense, I have a piece of Spain in West Hollywood. - Paz Vega

Approach racing like a game of billiards. If you bash the ball too hard, you get nowhere. As you handle the cue properly, you drive with more finesse. - Juan M Fangio


The Explanation

High Strung Violinist

Deodorized Pads

Leteracy Night

Redneck Baby Carriage

Stealth Readers

Good Stuff Or Else

Productive Computers

Poodle Power

Trust Issues

Bacon Soda Sales

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

My Time

Lerts

Great White Socks

That's Not A Bagpipe!

Paint Protection

Balanced Writer

Jolly Good Recovery

Tylenol Ban

In Perfect Harmony

Kiosk Hours

Borderline Stupidity

Inside Outside Thinking