Joe-ks.com
#1 humor site on the 'net
Cruise Bikini
You can do anything you want when you win at the casino
Fred's friends thought he needed a bit more suntan protection
Search for “The Other Princess”
Fred was on a roll - poker winnings set him up for an Acapulco vacation, on a Princess cruise ship (the Dawn Princess) - it was to be a “Dawn” of a new travel adventure for him. After disembarking from Acapulco, the ship was to travel through the Panama Canal, traversing from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean, through a series of six locks – starting at the west-side Gatun Lock and ending in the east at the Miraflores Lock.
The trip of a lifetime started in the library, absorbed in David
McCullough’s “The Path Between The Seas”. Fred imagined himself as one of the migrant workers tasked with building the Canal during the years 1870-1914, catching malaria in one of the many swamps being
dredged along the 77km path. Fred was taken to the local Panama City hospital where a Doctor prescribed quinine treatment. Unknown to Fred, the first hospitals in Panama contributed to the problem themselves by unwittingly providing breeding places for mosquitoes inside unscreened wards.
Shaken back to reality by a “virtual itch”, Fred put aside his book and wandered down to the ship’s infirmary - he wanted to see how much better today’s medical facilities were than those back in the early 1900s. There he met the ship’s Cruise Nurse, Josephine. Although Fred thought that Josephine would most certainly cure any worker’s inclination to visit a hospital (considering her forced enema treatments), he found out that Josephine also sidelined as an instructor of the ship’s popular Photoshop computer class, “What You Sea Is What You Get”.
After attending Josephine’s class later that afternoon, Fred was anxious to find a subject to “touchup” with his new-found skills. He grabbed his camera and went to the ship’s foredeck. There, piering over the Miraflores Lock, Fred met the girl of his dreams - certainly not Josephine, but the “other” Princess. His day complete as the Dawn Princess exited the Panama Canal on its way to the Caribbean Sea, Fred found a lounge chair on deck, put away his book and soaked in the sunshine... just as Josephine rounded the corner and found her new Photoshop subject – a true FantaSea!
Fred was on a roll - poker winnings set him up for an Acapulco vacation, on a Princess cruise ship (the Dawn Princess) - it was to be a “Dawn” of a new travel adventure for him. After disembarking from Acapulco, the ship was to travel through the Panama Canal, traversing from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean, through a series of six locks – starting at the west-side Gatun Lock and ending in the east at the Miraflores Lock.
The trip of a lifetime started in the library, absorbed in David
McCullough’s “The Path Between The Seas”. Fred imagined himself as one of the migrant workers tasked with building the Canal during the years 1870-1914, catching malaria in one of the many swamps being
dredged along the 77km path. Fred was taken to the local Panama City hospital where a Doctor prescribed quinine treatment. Unknown to Fred, the first hospitals in Panama contributed to the problem themselves by unwittingly providing breeding places for mosquitoes inside unscreened wards.
Shaken back to reality by a “virtual itch”, Fred put aside his book and wandered down to the ship’s infirmary - he wanted to see how much better today’s medical facilities were than those back in the early 1900s. There he met the ship’s Cruise Nurse, Josephine. Although Fred thought that Josephine would most certainly cure any worker’s inclination to visit a hospital (considering her forced enema treatments), he found out that Josephine also sidelined as an instructor of the ship’s popular Photoshop computer class, “What You Sea Is What You Get”.
After attending Josephine’s class later that afternoon, Fred was anxious to find a subject to “touchup” with his new-found skills. He grabbed his camera and went to the ship’s foredeck. There, piering over the Miraflores Lock, Fred met the girl of his dreams - certainly not Josephine, but the “other” Princess. His day complete as the Dawn Princess exited the Panama Canal on its way to the Caribbean Sea, Fred found a lounge chair on deck, put away his book and soaked in the sunshine... just as Josephine rounded the corner and found her new Photoshop subject – a true FantaSea!
Solomon: Jamaican bachelor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fame is the thirst of youth. - Lord Byron
Civilized humanical relationships - Archie Bunker
Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds. - Socrates
Life is a relationship between molecules. - Linus Pauling
Fame is proof that the people are gullible. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Romance is the icing, the love is the cake. - Unknown
Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler
Take a cruise down to the Virgin's Island. - Archie Bunker
Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten
The art of communication is the language of leadership. - James Humes
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller
Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde
The desire for fame is the last weakness wise men put off. - Tacitus
The power of forgiveness transcends personal relationships. - Eric Metaxas
There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children. - George Burns
The great myth of our times is that technology is communication. - Libby Larsen
Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves
If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile. - Lynda Barry
Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown
Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. - Homer Simpson
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said. - Peter F Drucker
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone
Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes. - Unknown
I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove
The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. - Erma Bombeck
The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. - Peter Drucker
John Wooden was a hall of fame character long before he was a hall of fame coach. - John C Maxwell
Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen
The result of bad communication is a disconnection between strategy and execution. - Chuck Martin
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw
Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh
No matter how much fame and fortune you achieve, don't get wrapped up in yourself. - Dal Richards
An almost perfect relationship with his father was the earthly root of all his wisdom. - C S Lewis
Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde
I am on your Walk of Fame in Toronto. My sense of humour is Canadian. But I can't vote. - Donald Sutherland
The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. - Joan Baez
Fame is not the glory! Virtue is the goal, and fame only a messenger, to bring more to the fold. - Vanna Bonta
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. - Helen Rowland
A true relationship is when you can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets, no lies. - Unknown
Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be thankful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful. - Harvey Mackay
I attract to my life whatever I give my attention, energy and focus to, whether positive or negative. - Michael Losier
I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump
Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks
Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah
Xylophone: Revolutionary communication device that turns the sounds of the voice into a mellow, musical chime - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty
I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success. - Ingrid Bergman
If you absolutely can't stay positive, don't go negative, just cruise neutral for a while until you can get back up. - Terri Guillemets
While some pain is probably inevitable in all relationships, successful couples are usually the ones who are able to forgive. - Ilona Boniwell
It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose
A kind of banalization of celebrity has occurred: we are now offered an instant, ready-to-mix fame as nutritious as packet soup. - J G Ballard
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. - Dave Barry
The five essential entrepreneurial skills for success: Concentration, Discrimination, Organization, Innovation and Communication. - Harold S Geneen
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
Some men's ambition is art, some men's ambition is fame, some men's ambition is gold. My ambition is the souls of men. - William Booth
A problem occurs when people want the benefits of a relationship with God without the responsibilities of a relationship with God. - Jim Herring
I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. - Tim Allen
I not only knew Houdini, but we had a very lovely relationship. I really though we had something going, and then the son of a gun disappeared. - Betty White
You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. - Epicurus
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
Fame is the thirst of youth. - Lord Byron
Civilized humanical relationships - Archie Bunker
Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds. - Socrates
Life is a relationship between molecules. - Linus Pauling
Fame is proof that the people are gullible. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Romance is the icing, the love is the cake. - Unknown
Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler
Take a cruise down to the Virgin's Island. - Archie Bunker
Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten
The art of communication is the language of leadership. - James Humes
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller
Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde
The desire for fame is the last weakness wise men put off. - Tacitus
The power of forgiveness transcends personal relationships. - Eric Metaxas
There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children. - George Burns
The great myth of our times is that technology is communication. - Libby Larsen
Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves
If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile. - Lynda Barry
Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown
Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. - Homer Simpson
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said. - Peter F Drucker
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone
Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes. - Unknown
I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove
The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. - Erma Bombeck
The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. - Peter Drucker
John Wooden was a hall of fame character long before he was a hall of fame coach. - John C Maxwell
Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen
The result of bad communication is a disconnection between strategy and execution. - Chuck Martin
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw
Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh
No matter how much fame and fortune you achieve, don't get wrapped up in yourself. - Dal Richards
An almost perfect relationship with his father was the earthly root of all his wisdom. - C S Lewis
Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde
I am on your Walk of Fame in Toronto. My sense of humour is Canadian. But I can't vote. - Donald Sutherland
The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. - Joan Baez
Fame is not the glory! Virtue is the goal, and fame only a messenger, to bring more to the fold. - Vanna Bonta
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. - Helen Rowland
A true relationship is when you can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets, no lies. - Unknown
Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be thankful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful. - Harvey Mackay
I attract to my life whatever I give my attention, energy and focus to, whether positive or negative. - Michael Losier
I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump
Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks
Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah
Xylophone: Revolutionary communication device that turns the sounds of the voice into a mellow, musical chime - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty
I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success. - Ingrid Bergman
If you absolutely can't stay positive, don't go negative, just cruise neutral for a while until you can get back up. - Terri Guillemets
While some pain is probably inevitable in all relationships, successful couples are usually the ones who are able to forgive. - Ilona Boniwell
It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose
A kind of banalization of celebrity has occurred: we are now offered an instant, ready-to-mix fame as nutritious as packet soup. - J G Ballard
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. - Dave Barry
The five essential entrepreneurial skills for success: Concentration, Discrimination, Organization, Innovation and Communication. - Harold S Geneen
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
Some men's ambition is art, some men's ambition is fame, some men's ambition is gold. My ambition is the souls of men. - William Booth
A problem occurs when people want the benefits of a relationship with God without the responsibilities of a relationship with God. - Jim Herring
I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. - Tim Allen
I not only knew Houdini, but we had a very lovely relationship. I really though we had something going, and then the son of a gun disappeared. - Betty White
You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. - Epicurus
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
Never Run a Red Light
Bee Safe
Hummers Only Look Tough
Tactical Texas
Defence Budget Cuts
Welfare State
No Flies On Me
Stick Family Meal
Wet Floor
Lord Of The Watch
Close Encounters of the Whale Kind
Military Watch Tower
No Go Intersection
Public Transportation In Scotland
Guarded Nights
Financial Meltdown
Fox Kabob
Microwaved Bulb... Watts You Won't See
Saks-e Parking Job
Griller Bees
Texting While Cycling
Redneck Manicure
Police Profiling In Canada
Tree Stand