#1 humor site on the 'net

All Bottled Up

Storing time in bottles

All Bottled Up thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Art is the signature of civilizations. - Beverly Sills

All great art comes from a sense of outrage. - Glenn Close

Vision is the art of seeing things invisible. - Jonathan Swift

Art is either a plagiarist or a revolutionist. - Paul Gauguin

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. - Frank Zappa

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament. - Oscar Wilde

Advertising is the greatest art form of the twentieth century. - Marshall McLuhan

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. - Dorothy Parker

The art challenges the technology, and the technology inspires the art. - John Lasseter

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

Take care to sell your horse before he dies. The art of life is passing losses on. - Robert Frost

Propaganda is the art of persuading others of what you don't believe yourself. - Abba Eban

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Prophecy: The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. - Ambrose Bierce

Tavern: 1. Thirst come, thirst served; 2. A place where madness is sold by the bottle. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

What we have to do, what at any rate it is our duty to do, is to revive the old art of Lying. - Oscar Wilde

Liability: 1. The art of convincing others of your innocence; 2. A talent for telling untruths. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My grandfather is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. - Henny Youngman

Leadership is the art of getting others to want to do something you are convinced should be done. - Vance Packard

God is not a genie in a bottle, and your wish is not His command. His command better be your wish. - Mark Batterson

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

I feel strongly that the visual arts are of vast importance. Of course I could be prejudiced. I am a visual art. - Kermit The Frog

If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that. - John Lennon

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

Self-consciousness is the enemy of all art, be it acting, writing, painting, or living itself, which is the greatest art of all. - Ray Bradbury

For me, the drive is storytelling. To be a part of an art that tells a story and to be a catalyst, a color in that, is very exciting. - Alden Ehrenreich

It is with narrow-souled people as with narrow-necked bottles: the less they have in them, the more noise they make in pouring it out. - Alexander Pope

Art begins with resistance - at the point where resistance is overcome. No human masterpiece has ever been created without great labor. - Andre Gide

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

Humility is becoming a lost art, but it's not difficult to practice. It means that you realize that others have been involved in your success. - Harvey Mackay

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


Reach For Your Dreams

Perception

Jeopardy Measuring Cup

All We Have To Do Is Stand Up

Vacuum Extender

BrownEes

Chinese Puzzle Car

Always Give 100% At Work

Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face

The Bugs Are Bad This Year

Dog Spa

Ostrich Imprint

Local Crabs

World's First Hard Hat

Bird Melons

Bag Hang-Up

LippoPotumus

Haircut For Staff Meetings

Wolf Mode

Undertaker Bike

Throwaway Sport Paper