Whose Problem

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra. - WC Fields

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

Defendit numerus: There is safety in numbers. - Unknown

There will be no whitewash at the White House. - Richard M Nixon

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

He's got that big house to maintain in San Clemency. - Archie Bunker

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. - Steven Wright

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? - Henry David Thoreau

Now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a great deal of harm. - Oscar Wilde

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

You need a plan to build a house. To build a life, it is even more important to have a plan or goal. - Zig Ziglar

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. - WC Fields

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

Enthusiasm is the electricity of life. How do you get it? You act enthusiastic until you make it a habit. - Gordon Parks

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate.
What's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? - Will Rogers

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place. - Emily Dickinson

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste or eaten within twenty-four hours. - Lady Hasluck

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon

Charity is a very personal equation, like we say charity begins at home. It starts with your immediate help in the house: the people who work for you. - Malaika A. Khan