Whose Problem

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra. - WC Fields

Art is a house that tries to be haunted. - Emily Dickinson

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

There will be no whitewash at the White House. - Richard M Nixon

Electricity is really just organized lightning. - George Carlin

Choose your neighbor before you buy your house. - African Proverb

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. - Italian Proverb

Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. - Unknown

Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house. - Unknown

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside. - Arabic proverb

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber. - Albert Einstein

An empty purse and a new house make a man wise, but too late. - Portuguese Proverb

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobel

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

Maybe I'd like to run around the house in my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above, so I never have to go upstairs. - Steven Wright

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

You need a plan to build a house. To build a life, it is even more important to have a plan or goal. - Zig Ziglar

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Gonna be incrimated... they're gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals. - Archie Bunker

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

Faithfulness is essential to the character of a friend: without this there can be no safety in intimacy with and confidence in him. - Samuel Hopkins

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon

Charity is a very personal equation, like we say charity begins at home. It starts with your immediate help in the house: the people who work for you. - Malaika A. Khan