#1 humor site on the 'net

Ukrainian Car Alarm

Nothing that a chainsaw can't fix!

Ukrainian Car Alarm thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not. - Ursula K. Le Guin

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

He prefers the security of known misery to the misery of unfamiliar insecurity. - Sheldon B. Kopp

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

In France we leave unmolested those who set fire to the house, and persecute those who sound the alarm. - Sebastien Chamfort

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

People confuse amassing money with security, but it is not so. What a pity to confuse real security with making money. - Billy Graham

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Raxe

Male Multitasker

Fork In The Road

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Goat Trick

Genuine Fake Watches

Onward, My Noble Steed!

Edible Pet Clothing

Texas Diet

Grass Room

Stoolbus

Barn Owl Beauty

Car Elas Sale

Bestist

Cement Truck Lane

Cane Swimmers

Bartender Spill

Angry Mathematician

Matching Receipt

Where Nobody Speeds

A Good Woman

Front Row Seats

Always Full Glass