TP Kid

All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot

Children should neither be seen nor heard from - ever again. - WC Fields

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. - Bruce Barton

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

Creative play is like a spring that bubbles up from deep within a child. - Joan Almon

If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much. - Marian W. Edelman

Too many of today's children have straight teeth and crooked morals. - Unknown

Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work. - Chuck Close

Inspiration at its best means breath, and only too frequently means wind. - G K Chesterton

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. - David Brenner

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown

You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test. - George W. Bush

Children are paparazzi. They take your picture when you don't want them to. - Jamie Lee Curtis

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

If you're going to write a book on how to raise children, do it before you have them. - Bob McLaren

I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. - Fran Lebowitz

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring. - Liz Armbruster

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

When it comes to raising children, I believe in give and take. I give orders and they take ‘em. - Bernie Mac

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

Grow up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another. - F Scott Fitzgerald

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. - WC Fields

Imagine if you succeeded in making the world perfect for your children what a shock the rest of life would be for them. - Joyce Maynard

Since it is so likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage. - C S Lewis

I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. - Will Rogers

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe

Our society is walking through a maze of cultural land mines and the heaviest price is exacted as we send our children on ahead. - Ravi Zacharias

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

Bill Gates has always been a mentor and inspiration for me even before I knew him. Just growing up, I admired how Microsoft was mission-focused. - Mark Zuckerberg

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm. - Bill Vaughan

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah