Shoddy Goaltending - Not

If you're keeping score, win. - Red Auerbach

Life is a game. Money is how we keep score. - Ted Turner

There's no place in racism for football. - Gareth Thomas

Soccer: A European warm-up exercise for rioting - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Victor: Your football team's weekly opponent - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wrestlers are a bunch of wanna-be football players. - Brian Bosworth

Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs. - Mitch Hedberg

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score? - Vince Lombardi

Fan Belt: What a soccer fan uses to keep his trousers up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I played a little basketball. Some football in junior high. - Clint Eastwood

My Golden Rule of Networking is simple: Don't keep score. - Harvey Mackay

Football is a game designed to keep coal miners off the streets. - Jimmy Breslin

All I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football. - Albert Camus

I believe in Coach Louis Wong. He is so much more than just a football coach. - Stephen Covey

Gamekeeper: A soccer goalie who doesn't get upset, despite losing heavily - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

Football Game: A sport where a spectator takes four quarters to finish a fifth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. - Erma Bombeck

Ticket Scalper: A man who enables you to see one football game for the price of five - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. - Joe Thiesmann

So like any football or basketball coach, you always believe you're going to win. - Colin Powell

In life, as in football, you won't go far unless you know where the goalposts are. - Arnold H Glasgow

Football isn't a contact sport; it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport. - Vince Lombardi

College Professor: A man who gets what's left over after the football coach is paid off - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

Football: A sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I started out as a football player. I liked to inflict pain. In basketball, it was the same thing. - Shaquille O'Neal

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George Will

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game. - Donald Trump

Malenutrition: The practice of depriving a man from food for more than a couple of hours - or during a football game - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields

Shoulder Pads: The part of a football player's uniform designed to make him look as fearsome as a female executive - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? - Jim Bouton

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

I listened to a football coach who spoke straight from the shoulder - at least I could detect no higher origin in anything he said. - Dixon R Fox

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. - John Leonard

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy

It is easier to find a score of men wise enough to discover the truth than to find one intrepid enough, in the face of opposition, to stand up for it. - A Hodge