#1 humor site on the 'net

Scan Scam

Old Man? Take a look at his face!

Scan Scam thanks to Mel Hardman

Airport scanning equipment reveals unbelievable case of concealment

Passenger boards an Air Canada plane in Hong Kong as an old man and arrives in Vancouver as a young Asian refugee.

QuotaBills
If I cannot fly, let me sing. - Stephen Sondheim

Why, when I am talking, does time seem to fly? - Bob Grant

Never eat spinach just before going on the air. - Dan Rather

If you cannot teach me to fly, teach me to sing. - J M Barrie

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. - Will Rogers

He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

Germany may have recovered a flying saucer as early as 1939. - Jimmy Doolittle

Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

If the lambs were flying, wolves would have also the wings to fly. - Mehmet M Ildan

All my life I thought air was free... until I bought a bag of chips. - Unknown

Our Air Corps reunion was held to rememmorate the great things we done. - Archie Bunker

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Time passes too fast. Like a hummingbird flying by, it's just a blur to my eyes. - Amanda Leigh

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

Birds find shelter during the rain, but eagles avoid rain by flying above the clouds. - Abdul Kalam

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity. - G K Chesterton

Flight Risk: Employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown

I don't know about flying, but sometimes it feels like I have these little wings on my feet. - Michael Jordan

Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own. - Muhammad Ali

There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield

The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests. - Epictetus

You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair. - Chinese Proverb

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau

Living as we do in an age of noise and bluster, success is now measured accordingly. We must all be seen, and heard, and on the air. - Daphne du Maurier

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin

When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta

Like a prisoner awaiting his release, like a schoolboy when the end of term is near, like a migrant bird ready to fly south... I long to be gone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi


The Wheels of Life

Ford Door Lock

Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly

Wiener Dog Safety

Donkey Refill

Big John

Do Must Marriage

Shopping-ish

Head Twins

Pickup Park

Diet Hard

Go Nowhere Bike

Master Reference Binder

Do You See A Bird or a Girl?

Car Moochanic

Wife's Small Mistake

Redneck TP

Backwards Clock

Redneck House Move

New World Record Holder

World's Hardest Golf Shot

Safe Bike

Donut Hole History

Church Flight