#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Beer Opener

Bubba never screws up - he screws down

Redneck Beer Opener thanks to Carol Thornton

Order now and get TWO bolt action reversible openers!

QuotaBills
Be an opener of doors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Can Opener: Key to the washroom - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

It's opener there in the wide open air. - Dr. Seuss

Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open. - Steven Wright

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


Ford Door Lock

Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly

Wiener Dog Safety

Donkey Refill

Big John

Do Must Marriage

Shopping-ish

Head Twins

Pickup Park

Diet Hard

Go Nowhere Bike

Master Reference Binder

Do You See A Bird or a Girl?

Car Moochanic

Wife's Small Mistake

Redneck TP

Backwards Clock

Redneck House Move

New World Record Holder

World's Hardest Golf Shot

Safe Bike

Donut Hole History

Church Flight

Jews: The Revenge