Perfect Defense Line

I only direct in self-defense. - Mel Brooks

People use irony as a defense mechanism. - David Byrne

The best defense against logic is ignorance. - Blaise Pascal

There's no place in racism for football. - Gareth Thomas

Humor is just another defense against the universe. - Mel Brooks

Wrestlers are a bunch of wanna-be football players. - Brian Bosworth

Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs. - Mitch Hedberg

There is no defense against criticism except obscurity. - Joseph Addison

Fan Belt: What a soccer fan uses to keep his trousers up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Denial is a useful defense mechanism until it's not. - Rosalind Kaplan

Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become. - Mary McGrory

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. - Mignon McLaughlin

I played a little basketball. Some football in junior high. - Clint Eastwood

Football is a game designed to keep coal miners off the streets. - Jimmy Breslin

It is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football. - John Heisman

All I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football. - Albert Camus

We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen

The calendar and the clock are all set by football season and the off-season. - Tom Coughlin

I believe in Coach Louis Wong. He is so much more than just a football coach. - Stephen Covey

Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. - Erma Bombeck

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. - Joe Thiesmann

So like any football or basketball coach, you always believe you're going to win. - Colin Powell

In life, as in football, you won't go far unless you know where the goalposts are. - Arnold H Glasgow

Football isn't a contact sport; it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport. - Vince Lombardi

As to lawyers, their profession is supported by the indiscriminate defense of right and wrong. - Junius

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet. - Phyllis Diller

There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor. - Thomas W. Higginson

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I started out as a football player. I liked to inflict pain. In basketball, it was the same thing. - Shaquille O'Neal

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George Will

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally. - Alfred Hitchcock

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? - Jim Bouton

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

I listened to a football coach who spoke straight from the shoulder - at least I could detect no higher origin in anything he said. - Dixon R Fox

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. - John Leonard

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy