#1 humor site on the 'net

Nitrate

Bubba's first day in Chemistry class

Nitrate thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
Every dog has his day. - Unknown

You are what you think about all day long. - Dr. Robert Schuller

The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day. - John Milton

I wake up laughing every day. I get a kick out of life. - Bruce Willis

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live. - Flora Whittemore

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan

I know that if I scare myself once a day, I'm a better person. - Laird Hamilton

If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day. - Molly Ivins

I was a great student at a great school, Wharton School of Finance. - Donald Trump

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T

It is better to live one day as a lion, than a thousand days as lamb. - Roman Proverb

This is the best day the world has ever seen. Tomorrow will be better. - R.A. Campbell

It's a new day. Yesterday's failure is redeemed at the sunrise. - Todd Stocker

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

Never let a day pass that you will have cause to say, I will do better tomorrow. - Brigham Young

My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me. - Bette Midler

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

Knowledge is learning something every day. Wisdom is letting go of something every day. - Zen Proverb

I get more distracted by hair or a really bad wig than I do costumes any day of the week. - Colleen Atwood

People tend to mistake Groundhog Day. It's not important. It's just important fun. - Mike Johnston

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Imagine a place where everyone chooses to bring energy, passion, and a positive attitude every day. - Stephen C. Lundin

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

Just do your best today and tomorrow will come - tomorrow's going to be a busy day, a happy day. - Helen Boehm

I could juggle anything in my day: balls, cigar boxes, knives. But I could never juggle my income tax. - WC Fields

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night. - Steven Wright

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick

Rejoice that I have lived to see this day, when the colored people have equal privileges with the most favored. - Thomas Garrett

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Douglas Coupland

What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing you did mattered? - Bill Murray

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

A man can do only what a man can do. But if he does that each day, he can sleep at night and do it again the next day. - Albert Schweitzer

Life is no different than the weather. Not only is it unpredictable, but it shows us a new perspective of the world every day. - Suzy Kassem

It is good for a man to invite his ghosts into his warm interior, out of the wild night, into the firelight, out of the howling dark. - A.S. Byatt

When I finished school, I took one of those career-aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. - Tim Cavanagh

Everybody walks past a thousand story ideas every day. The good writers are the ones who see five or six of them. Most people don't see any. - Orson S. Card

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon


Parking Guide

Apology to Potential Criminals

Before Morning Coffee

Sons Of Arthritis

Challenge Accepted

Subway Camouflage

In Stitches

Great White

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Can I Lick It

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Velociraptor Defined

Redneck Muffler Repair

Drama Queen Diary

He Looks Just Like His Father!

Happy Snow Car

Sand Strap Experience

Redneck Calf Feeder

BaCoN T-Shirt

Go Winterized

Car Igloo

Hen Pecked

It's Movie Time

In The Dog House