Looking Small

Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb

A multitude of small delights constitutes happiness. - Charles Baudelaire

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands. - Dudley Moore

Keep high aspirations, moderate expectations, and small needs. - H. Stein

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen

Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. - Eminem

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger

For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love. - Carl Sagan

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

Happiness is always the serendipitous result of looking for something else. - Idel Dreimer

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Pull up a chair. Take a taste. Come join us. Life is so endlessly delicious. - Ruth Reichl

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

Small minds are concerned with the extraordinary, great minds with the ordinary. - Blaise Pascal

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together. - Vincent van Gogh

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

The thing I remember about New York was how little I felt. I arrived with one small bag and $15. - Desi Arnaz

A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. - Paula Poundstone

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. - Don Fraser

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

If one looks at the map of the world, it's difficult to find Iraq, and one would think it rather easy to subdue such a small country. - Vladimir Putin

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon