Looking Small

Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Seek a wife in your own sphere. - Latin Proverb

I'm looking for a loop-hole. - WC Fields

We grow small trying to be great. - E Stanley Jones

Inflation: everyone's illusion of wealth - Unknown

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. - Steven Wright

Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art. - F Scott Fitzgerald

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion. - Noam Chomsky

Do not forget small kindnesses and do not remember small faults. - Chinese Proverb

Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises. - Demosthenes

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you are looking for a fly in your food, it means that you are full. - South Africa Proverb

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee

Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish. Do not overdo it. - Lao Tzu

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. - Mark Twain

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

Observant: What a biology teacher tells you to do when out looking for bugs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Life is like looking for your phone. Most of the time it's in your hand. - Unknown

Advanced old age is when you sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. - Eliakim Katz

Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together. - Vincent van Gogh

In every difficult situation is potential value. Believe this, then begin looking for it. - Norman Vincent Peale

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

If a child, a spouse, a life partner, or a parent depends on you and your income, you need life insurance. - Suze Orman

Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude. - A.A. Milne

Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever. - Margaret Cho

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. - Ken Dodd

A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

There is only one thing harder than looking for a dewdrop in the dew, and that is fishing for a clam in the clam chowder. - New England Proverb

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. - Wendy Liebman

Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If one looks at the map of the world, it's difficult to find Iraq, and one would think it rather easy to subdue such a small country. - Vladimir Putin

Yoga is possible for anybody who really wants it. Yoga is universal... But don't approach yoga with a business mind looking for worldly gain. - Pattabhi Jois

Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds