#1 humor site on the 'net

How To Stop The Oil Leak

Congress finds unique solution to oil spill in its own backyard

How To Stop The Oil Leak thanks to Mike King

QuotaBills
Fat: Energy gone to waist - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Emulsion: A mixture of oil and emotion. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Then you add two forkfuls of cooking oil. - The French Chef

Energy and persistence conquer all things. - Benjamin Franklin

In Congress, it's all pork, all the time. - Jim Cooper

Content is fire and social media is gasoline. - Jay Baer

Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it. - Unknown

Gargling: A good way to see if your throat leaks - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. - J Paul Getty

Food is not just eating energy. It's an experience. - Guy Fieri

Oil is drowning our oceans and drowning our boreal forests. - Winona LaDuke

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. - Milton Berle

I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee

Stay up and really burn the midnight oil. There are no compromises. - Leontyne Price

One of the greatest sources of energy is pride in what you are doing. - Unknown

Enthusiasm finds the opportunities, and energy makes the most of them. - Henry Hoskins

Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative, more happiness. - Unknown

Thoughts have energy. Make sure your thoughts are positive and powerful. - Unknown

I cannot hold onto grudges. It's a waste of energy, a waste of time. - Phil Anselmo

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. - Josh Billings

May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart. - Eskimo Proverb

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. - Albert Camus

From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

I don't want to use my creative energy on somebody else's user interface. - Jeff Bezos

The squeaky wheel may get the most oil, but it's also the first to be replaced. - Marilyn Vos Savant

What most persons consider as virtue, after the age of 40 is simply a loss of energy. - Voltaire

As long as we have hope, we have direction, the energy to move, and the map to move by. - Hong Kong Proverb

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? - Marion Barry

The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have. - Norman Vincent Peale

Put your energy into making things that are likeable, not some douchey social media strategy. - Matthew Inman

I've got more energy now than when I was younger because I know exactly what I want to do. - George Balanchine

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets. - Will Rogers

I just like having fun. And, you know, sometimes I just like to present myself in that fun energy. - Katy Perry

Imagine a place where everyone chooses to bring energy, passion, and a positive attitude every day. - Stephen C. Lundin

I attract to my life whatever I give my attention, energy and focus to, whether positive or negative. - Michael Losier

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. - Socrates

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. - Victor Hugo

We - we need strength, we need energy, we need quickness and we need brain in this country to turn it around. - Donald Trump

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley

They say women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. - Clare Boothe Luce

Milton's style was exactly right for what he did. He had enormous energy. Enormous vitality. He still does. - Steve Allen

People say that forgiving is my flaw, but I really believe that holding grudges and anger is a waste of energy. - Mayte Garcia

If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes. - Andrew Carnegie

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. - Bill Vaughan

You can spend your precious energy beating down closed doors, or you can choose the doors that open when you knock. - Unknown

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

When you're following your energy and doing what you want all the time, the distinction between work and play dissolves. - Shakti Gawain

The fundamental concept in social science is Power, in the same sense in which Energy is the fundamental concept in physics. - Bertrand Russell

I like simple food, seasoned with just salt, pepper, oil and vinegar. Complicated food and complicated lives are never good. - Sirio Maccioni

Direct your energy toward achieving a goal, and tackle the problems with an emphasis on edging closer to a successful result. - Harvey Mackay

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

Atomic energy might be as good as our present-day explosives, but it is unlikely to produce anything very much more dangerous. - Winston Churchill

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have. - Dale Carnegie

The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one. - Albert Einstein

Papers say: 'Congress is deadlocked and can't act.' I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this country. - Will Rogers

You will recognize your own path when you come upon it because you will suddenly have all the energy and imagination you will ever need. - Sara Teasdale

Every sort of energy and endurance, of courage and capacity for handling life's evils, is set free in those who have religious faith. - William James

Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders. - Sloan Wilson

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid

Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly

The capacity for hope is the most significant fact of life. It provides human beings with a sense of destination and the energy to get started. - Norman Cousins

Closed systems run down and get more chaotic over time. Always get better by being open to outside energy and templates of better ways to function. - Henry Cloud


Tennis Plant

Florida Moves Out Of Hurricane Zone

Small Bills

Denmark Traffic Signals

Nail Polish Lookalilikes

Game Car

Overloaded Mailbox

Redneck Phone

Enjoy Fresh Air

Bread Board

Snaccident

Mini Bar

Frisbee Stopper

Redneck Sushi

Redneck's Lo-Tech Mobile Phone

Downchuck

Border Agent Alert

Cadillac Clearance

Leading By Example

Wired For Coffee

Cadillac Bike

Chip and Dip

Cat Couch Nap

Redneck Trophy Fish