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Fart Facts

Moving towards stealthy flatulence

Fart Facts thanks to Barry McCartney

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Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb

Cut Rates: What surgeons charge their patients. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Asphyxiation: What a surgeon does about an asphalt - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb

Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

I bet giraffes don't even know what farts smell like. - Bill Murray

Modern music is three farts and a raspberry, orchestrated. - John Barbirolli

Mental Block: A street on which several psychiatrists live - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

Surgeons must be very careful
When they take the knife!
Underneath their fine incisions
Stirs the Culprit - Life! - Emily Dickinson

The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart


Invisible Patient

Cellfie

Soccer City

Mom Lookout

Texas Gun Lover

Hi Heel Running Shoes

Salmon Bikini

Mirror Lake

Socialist Job

Graveyard Sundae

Portable Dog Carriers

No More Arguing

Transformers Garage

Soccer Ball Building

Country Office

Lord Of The Rinse

Introvert Soap

No Drowning

Window View

Vanishing Underwater Roller Coaster

Simple Surgery

Applelicious

Fried Eggs - Military Style

Tourist Baggage