#1 humor site on the 'net

Dunking Straw

Drinking straw for drinking Canada 'Dry'

Dunking Straw thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
The piano has been drinking, not me. - Tom Waits

Come quickly, I am drinking the stars. - Dom Perignon

My drinking team has a sailing problem. - Unknown

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

That's the thing that broke the straw. - Archie Bunker

I'd stop drinking but I'm not a quitter. - Unknown

That's the straw that broke the camel's neck. - Archie Bunker

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

It's the final straw that broke the camel's back. - English Proverb

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

Some of my best friends are illusions. Been sustaining me for years. - Sheila Ballantyne

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

I don't have a drinking problem. Except when I can't get a drink. - Tom Waits

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

Drinking gives one a very clear sense of who's to blame for everything. - Unknown

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

Wishes and fears are illusions, Dil Bahadur, not realities. You must practice detachment. - Isabel Allende

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

Don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. - WC Fields

The illusion that the times that were are better than those that are has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to live. - Mark Twain

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

Dreams or illusions, call them what you will, they lift us from the commonplace of life to better things. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached. - Simone Weil

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. - Clement Freud

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

We would rather be ruined than changed. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the moment and let our illusions die. - W H Auden

The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp. - Will Cuppy


Secret Revealed

Women Pro Golfers

Alternative To Spanking

Laser Cats

At My Age I Need Glasses

Yoga Wine

Slip Sliding Away

Wi-Fi Free Restaurant

Buffalo Construction Plans

For Best Results

Ruling On Criticism

Bacon Pancakes

Very Left Turn Driver

Cold Sermon

Store Tested Coffee

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

End Of The Line

Cow Vacation

Wheelchair Warriors

Women's Rights

Finger's House

Deplorter

Squeegee Clothing

Child's Decision Making Tree