#1 humor site on the 'net

Dog Days of Summer

Cooling off on a bed of ice

Dog Days of Summer thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Volcanoes erupting hot guava - Archie Bunker

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. - Will Rogers

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

Are my hot flashes causing Global Warming? - Unknown

I'm still hot - it just comes in flashes. - Unknown

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

We're gonna strike before the Ivan gets hot. - Archie Bunker

Hot flushes and mentalpause. House of ill refute. - Archie Bunker

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet? - Steven Wright

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath. - Sylvia Plath

My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes. - Robin Williams

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

It was so hot today I saw a robin dipping his worm in Nestea. - Johnny Carson

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Amazing women don't have hot flashes. We have power surges. - Unknown

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

In Texas it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. - Piper Perabo

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

No good work is ever done while the heart is hot and anxious and fretted. - Olive Schreiner

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

Where beams of imagination play,
The memory's soft figures melt away. - Alexander Pope

Hot lead can be almost as effective coming from a linotype as from a firearm. - John O'Hara

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

When it gets hot like this, you know what I do? I keep my undies in the ice box. - Marilyn Monroe

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove. - Groucho Marx

Real love is a humble receptivity of a silent heart that is prepared to melt and merge. - Banani Ray

I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don't want to hear about your troubles. - Charles Bukowski

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Keep your eye out for hot topics and trends. The media is constantly looking for timely stories. - Jim Kukral

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

Yet, taught by time, my heart has learned to glow for other's good, and melt at other's woe. - Homer

Field hockey is my strongest sport, and if I lose a game, I take a long, hot bath and moan about it. - Emma Watson

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, 'if you want it your way, cook it yourself.' - Johnny Carson

In the words of Harry S. Truman, "If it's too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook." - Archie Bunker

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

A smile is the lightning system of the face, the cooling system of the head, and the heating system of the heart. - Unknown

Always serve too much hot fudge sauce on hot fudge sundaes. It makes people overjoyed, and puts them in your debt. - Judith Olney

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Unknown

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


Back In Five Minutes

Winterized Motorcycle

If IKEA Ran GM

Six Hunnit

Different Drugs

Extreme Value

Spotted Spotters

Ant Attack

Facebook Closure

African Meal on Wheels

Hadoukens

Free Gas

Wannabe Shoplifter

Breaker Bypass

Ice Hand

Invisible Homeless Man

No Muff Too Tough

Safe Removals

Yoga Business Card

Segway in Rural Norway

Mom Lookout

Dog Diner

It's Too Cold To Ride Outside

Ye Olde Simple Simon