Devoted Husband

Marry money. - Max Shulman

Marry in haste, repent at leisure. - English Proverb

A good husband is healthy and absent. - Japanese Proverb

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

Don't marry for money; divorce for money. - Wendy Liebman

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper. - Scottish Saying

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

My husband's idea of a good night out is a good night in. - Maureen Lipman

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me. - Bette Midler

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

Husband-hunting: A sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

Marriages are all happy. It's having breakfast together that causes all the trouble. - Irish Proverb

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

This is a message for seven honeymoon couples in a hotel in Peebles: Breakfast was served three days ago. - Ronnie Corbett

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way. - Lauren Bacall

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. - Wendy Liebman

For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller