Christmas Tree Relief

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down. - Lily Tomlin

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Droughts are because god didn't pay his water bill. - Steven Wright

People run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water. - Charles Bukowski

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb

Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm. - Malayan Proverb

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

When in doubt as to the applicability of a disinfectant, use soap and water. - Martin H. Fischer

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it. - Joan Rivers

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on. - Louis L'Amour

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

When ya go out there in the water and ya start crossing your longirudes and lassitudes. - Archie Bunker

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. - Zen Buddhist Saying

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster

Most whale photos you see show whales in this beautiful blue water - it's almost like space. - Brian Skerry

Whatever I am offered in devotion with a pure heart - a leaf, a flower, fruit, or water - I accept with joy. - Bhagavad Gita

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom. - Arthur Golden

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner

Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion. - Unknown

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

A leader is not an administrator who loves to run others, but someone who carries water for his people, so that they can get on with their jobs. - Robert Townsend

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown